Mercy on Rayne - chapter 1
Chapter 1 - Where it began
It’s difficult to live with anxiety. It is different for everyone, who suffers from it; but the same for all of those, who don’t. It’s even more difficult if people don’t understand the difference between anxiety disorders and being extremely shy and introverted. I’m the latter. I don’t suffer from anxiety; I just don’t feel comfortable in a crowded room. It’s not because I am scared or I feel anxious something might happen, I just don't find that to be the place for me.
I am just an incredibly shy person, who likes to spend time alone. I am an introvert and I’m proud of it. I don’t deny it, I’m not trying to hide it either. It’s complicated for me to meet new people and interaction with them can get extremely tricky, especially when I don’t want to talk to them, but they want to talk to me.
“So as I was watching this movie something jumps at me,” a person next to me explains. The speakers are blasting and people around me are having fun dancing, drinking, smoking, doing all those things people normally do at a party. I am sitting on a couch in the corner trying to blend my black clothes into the dark gray material of the cushions. By this point I have asked myself numerous times why I’ve come here and whether it was really necessary of me to do so.
And the best thing about it is that this guy next to me has been trying for like 30 minutes now to impress me with all the films he’s watched. All he watches are American blockbusters, nothing that can be considered art in other department than CGI, practically.
I don’t even respond anymore. It’s pointless. “And the thing is that it wasn’t even funny,” he continues. I am not even looking at him, why does he think I’m listening to him? Staring at the wall with a blank expression is one of my most perfected abilities, honestly speaking. I thought I didn’t need any more practice in showing people I’m not listening to them, but apparently I do. Oh God! Can someone save me please?
He leans in closer and I move further away, sinking more into the couch, not wanting anything else other than getting away from him as far as possible. Yes, I could stand up and go across the room to the door and leave, but at the same time, there is about 40 people in between me and the door. In a tight space. I prefer not touching people unless I necessarily have to.
I swallow and as I open my mouth to say something to the guy next to me, whose name is God knows what, turns around to a person tapping him on his shoulder. Internally, I thank this person and look at him. The new guy leans in and says something to the annoying one. He stands up and leaves abruptly. I take a deep breath in, full of relief.
“Come on,” the new guy tells me.
“What?” I ask confused.
“Come outside. You look like you need it,” he offers me his hand to help me up from the deep couch. I stand up without taking his hand, because as I believe I have mentioned, I do not like touching people unless it’s completely necessary.
“Alright, follow me then.”
He somehow leads me through the people I have been scared of and even though all of them are dancing and none is paying attention to me or him, they somehow avoid us. It might also be the fact that this guy is solid 190cm, while I am poor 155cm. I think they’re avoiding him, while I am somehow trailing the path he created.
I don’t know how long it took us to get through but it might have been around 5 minutes, to cross 10 meters. That’s crazy. But I somehow still escaped the torture of the amount of people. Now I might even be able to go home.
As soon as we get out of the house I breathe in the fresh air not reeking of alcohol with almost no smoke in it I feel such a relief, freedom. Instant feel-better let me tell you.
“You alright?” he asks me, looking concerned.
“Yeah, thanks,” I respond. Goosebumps appear on my arms, it’s a chilly spring evening. Even though I feel a little cold, I’m enjoying it. The stuffed warmth of lacking oxygen inside made everything a little cloudy.
“Are you cold?” he points to my arms.
I just nod back. I want to leave this conversation. He’s a stranger and I don’t really like talking to them.
“I’ve seen you sit in that corner the whole night. Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m fine,” I whisper, because I cannot bring my voice to be louder.
“My name’s Oliver. You are?”
“Rayne,” I say very quietly.
“I’m sorry, it’s too loud. Can you say it again?”
“Rayne.”
“Rayne?” I nod. “That’s a cute name. Rayne. I like rain.”
Oh God, another one of those. “Don’t even try,” I respond irritated, but still quiet.
“Don’t try what?”
“I’ve heard all the jokes that come with this name.”
“What? Why would I joke about your name?”
“Don’t worry, everyone does,” I step back and lean against the wall, trying to put even more space between me and him. I feel a pressing urge to go home.
“I don’t think it’s appropriate to joke about anyone’s name. Anyways, I just think your name is cute, but if you want to doubt everything I say, go for it!” he smiles with a wide smile and shows all his straight teeth.
I nod again, not knowing what to say and frankly I didn’t even want to say anything. I just wanted to go home, but for that I would have to go back inside for my jacket, which doesn’t really work. The question of how I even got in here shot through my mind again.
“So, you don’t talk much, do you, Rayne?” Oliver steps back giving me more space and that somewhat gives me comfort. I shake my head slightly in answer to his question. “Okay, well, that is going to be a nice conversation, then,” he tries to joke.
I smile a little at this innocent thing that most people would consider an insult or something sarcastic, but to me it simply sounded better than most of the things I heard today. Especially in the party, where the only thing you can really hear is the blasting music.
“Oh?! Was that a smile? I’m pleased. Thank you.”
I didn’t say anything back and Oliver also stayed quiet. Well, at least I can say it’s not like I tried to talk to him in the first place. Of course I was thankful to him for saving me from the inside of the monster party, but that didn’t mean I wanted to talk to him.
Another moment of awkward silence passes and he rocks on his feet, while I just look around nervously. I want to leave this conversation as well as this place.
“Do you maybe want to go home?” he says out of nowhere.
“How did you know?” I nod.
“Well, you don’t look too much in your zone. Did you drink anything?”
“Not really. I’m not keen on drinking or smoking.”
“Figures. Anyways, want to go home?”
With him? Doesn’t he think that’s a little creepy?
“Not with me, of course,” Oliver continues. “I can go grab your jacket inside if you came with one and then I can walk with you up until my bus stop if you’re going the same way.”
“Oh, thanks. I don’t really want to go back inside.”
“I realized that” he smiles. “This doesn’t look like a place you frequent too often, am I right?” I nod again. “Okay. I’ll go grab... wait I don’t know which jacket is yours, so you might have to come back inside for that.”
I make my move to go inside without telling him anything, I feel like I’ve said more than I usually do during the day, anyway. He looks at me strangely but follows me inside. As soon as I approach the door I can smell the reek of alcohol, tobacco and weed. It’s the typical student party, at which I didn’t want to be. An ideal Saturday night for me was at home with a good book or a good movie and just some time away from people since I had to spend time with them during the week. Some of them were introverted like me, some of them were people’s people. Not everyone was born equally.
I enter the house and find my jacket rather quickly, since I acted smart at the beginning and hid it close to the door, where I hoped people wouldn’t spill many drinks and I was right honestly. My jacket was easily accessible and clean. I put it on and leave the house as fast as possible and start walking down the street leading to my house. Well, it’s a studio where I live alone, because I can’t imagine living with people. I would have to go through a slight mental breakdown every day.
As I’m walking down the street I hear my name being called out. When I turn around I see Oliver running up to me. “Why didn’t you wait for me, Rayne? It’s like half two in the morning. It’s not safe out here.”
“I’m fine” I respond and cross my arms in front of me. I continue walking without stopping once and he walks with me.
“So you are going my way after all. Where do you live?”
“Nearby.” Why should I tell anything to this person I just met. It’s stupid, reckless and naive. Okay, he might not be a rapist or anything, but still... It’s not very clever honestly speaking. We pass a bus stop and Oliver stops there. I don’t turn around. I don’t care if he takes the bus or if he’s going to stand there all night. I just want to get home.
“Hey Rayne!” His words stop me after about 10 more meters and I turn around. “No hug?” I fidget and then turn around again and start walking home. That was weird.
My building finally appears in front of me and my phone starts ringing. When I look at the screen the name of my best friend Mina flashes.
“Hello?” I pick up.
“Babe, where are you?” she sounds distant compared to the music blaring through the speakers at the party.
“Uh, I went home.” I take out my keys and open the front door to the complex.
“Why? You promised you would stay and I could go sleep to yours tonight,” she blames me.
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t feeling well and besides I didn’t think you would sleep at mine anyway. Didn’t look like it, that's for sure,” the corners of my mouth turn upwards. Mina was a people’s person - a complete extrovert and I envied her that. She was a slender natural blonde with gray eyes. Very beautiful, she could afford to be an extrovert. Lucky her.
I reach the elevator and call it. “True... okay, but promise me we will meet tomorrow and work on that essay,” she says while giggling. “Come on, stop it! I’m talking to Rayne.”
I snicker at the last thing she said. “Yeah, of course. I haven’t started yet either,” I lie. I already have the essay finished, but might as well pretend I haven’t started yet.
“Good, I’ll call you tomorrow, babe. Okay?”
“Yeah, okay.” The elevator pings and I step inside. I push the 13th floor and the lift moves up. “See you,” I say and hang up knowing she’s not listening anymore. Besides, I will hear about all of this tomorrow. When I reach the 13th floor and exit the elevator the automatic lights don’t turn on. I wave my hands. Nothing. “Weird.” I remember the way to my flat, of course, but if something is in the way on the hallway and I trip on it, that wouldn’t be nice.
A sound of glass shattering scares the shit out of me. “Oh fuck!” I exclaim. “What was that?” A dead silence follows and goose bumps run down my spine. I look in the direction of the sound but I see nothing in the pitch black corridor. Not even the emergency lights are on, which is extremely weird. They should be.
Suddenly a chill goes through my spine and I shiver.
“Rayne...”
I turn around to the sound coming from behind me.
“Rayne...”
I hear my name again in whispers from the darkness behind me.
“Rayne...”
Something touched my arm...
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I hope you liked the first chapter, if you even got to the end. Thank you for reading!
-Michaela
