I wish I knew

At some point in our lives we all have said: "I wish I knew..."

"I wish I knew more at that math test." "I wish I knew at which point I screwed up." "I wish I knew what to apologize for." "I wish I knew how to solve it." "I wish I knew ho to do this or that." "I wish I knew what happens next." "I wish I knew why are some things in life happening." "I wish I knew what to do next." "I wish I knew something I don't know." "I wish I knew better." "I wish I knew..."

Today I wish for all of these.

It seems as if my life has got stuck in an indefinite loop of all these "I wish..."-es. The problem is that in any kind of story where the protagonist appears to be in any kind of a loop he/she always find a solution how to break the loop and finish their day successfully. It looks like I cannot break the loop no matter how hard I try. I want to break out of this cycle so bad, however I feel like I'm not the protagonist of my own life. Does that mean I am the antagonist? Am I the one, who keeps trying to ruin my own life? But then, who is the protagonist that will save the day? Is there a protagonist? Am I just a sidekick? If yes, who is the one steering the story of my life? When will my side finally win? Am I the Tom in this gag?

I wish I knew...

-Misha