Stress, numbness, pain and death

We receive time as a gift when we're born. Some receive more than the others and it's all up to us what we do with it.

Lately I have been so busy, trying to figure out how to mash school with work and personal problems as well. I feel like I've fallen under a lot of pressure and my mind and body have both been extremely stressed so I was somewhat expecting that breakdown to happen. It happened but not in the way I thought it would. I awaited a flu, a cold or just a simple sleep-all-day thing. But it came in a 'mental breakdown' kind of thing, which was underlined by death.

A friend of mine died a few days ago. She had stage 4 bone cancer and at the beginning of the year, the doctors guessed about 3 more months or less. So I was 'counting down' the days until the end of March. It was a huge shock for me, but I cannot even begin to imagine and comprehend how her family feels. The first thing that comes is the stomach dropping to the floor and hearing her mom sob over the phone. She didn't even need to say anything - I knew. I was dreading this day and it came. For everyone the life goes on.

I went through my breakdown last night, when my feelings hit home and the numb and empty feeling were exchanged for sadness. The thoughts running around in my mind about insignificance of life were replaced by memories of our time together and today I woke up with a feeling that the life goes on as well as the show. It's the way our lives are built.

Now I know, that even though our time here doesn't have the same length, it's more important how we use it. So use it wisely, I think.

The show goes on! Rest in peace, Ri! I hope you have landed the place in Heaven that you said you wanted!

-Michaela